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Thread: █ Crni humor

  1. #1
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    Default █ Crni humor

    Momak i zenska se tek upoznali, i izveo je on, na veceru, malo romantike i vina, i itd. Poslije toga su otisli, kod nje u stan, malo pomalo, poceli se oni, ljubiti, maziti i lizati. Ugasi ti on svijetlo. Skine joj bluzu, i grudnjak, i nastavi sa lizanjem, kad pod jezikom, on osjeti tri sise! Konta on, hoce li sta reci, tamo vamo, kad pogleda, bolje je da suti, kako god da pogleda, opet je u bonusu. I nastavui on sa poslom, i odradi ti on to posteno. Ujutro ustane, otkrije zensku, kada samo vidje dvije sise. Pita on nju:Halo, gdje ti je treca sisa?Kad ce ti ona: Ma nemoj se brinuti, nije to bila sisa, vec jedan veliki chir, ali nemoj se nista brinuti, ti si ga sinoc isiso!
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

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    Na chasu hemije, stavila uchenica ruku u teglu sa solnom kiselinom i upita nastavnicu:
    " Nastavnce, zashto ova tegla nema dna ? "
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

  3. #3
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    "Mama, mama!!",
    "Shta je sine?"
    "Mama jel mogu da se igram malo sa bakom?"
    "Moze sine samo je ponovo zakopaj kad zavrshish"
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

  4. #4
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    Mama, mama, svi mi govore da imam velike noge...
    - Nema, sine, 'ajde idi lepo ostavi patike u garau i dođi da jede!
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

  5. #5
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    Govori otac svom sinu mongoloidu:
    - Idi u prodavnicu, donesi mi pivo!
    - Necuuuu.
    - Idi, mora me posluati, ja sam ti otac!
    - Neću, nećuuu, necuuuu.... - Idi, moras me slusati, ja sam te napravio!
    - E, al' si me napravio...
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

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    Znate li sta je "VESELI PLAMICHAK"?
    - Krematorijum za bebe

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    Koliko je potrebno mrtvih beba da bi se njima okrecio krvlju zid dugacak 5 m ?
    - Jedna, ako se dobro zamahne !


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    Kako su roditelji kaznjavali Sasu Matica kad je bio mali?
    Razmjeste namjestaj po kuci!!!

    Sto je gore od 3 bebe u jednom kontejneru???
    Jedna beba u 3 kontejnera!

    Bili brat i sestra i za Bozic sestra dobije brdo poklona, a brat samo jedan.Otvori on fino poklon kad ono fudbalska lopta.Otvara sestra prvi poklon i obraca se bratu:Neko ima barbikuuu, neko ima loptuuu.Brat iskulira, ajde sve ok.Otvara mala drugi poklon:Neko ima kucicuuuu, neko ima loptuuuu.Mali ponovo kulira.Otvara ona treci poklon:Neko ima lutkicu neko im loptu.A brat ce:Neko ima loptuuuuu, neko leukemijuuuu!!!

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    What's the best thing about f*cking twentyfive year olds ?
    There's twenty of them .
    give me THE red pill.
    wake me up.
    Bondar: No hay banda! There is no band. It is all an illusion

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    Usao Sasa Matic u butik.
    Prodavacica:- Dobar dan, mogu li vam pomoci?
    Matic:- Nista, nista, samo razgledam..

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    Idu dva repera ulicom. Jedan repa, a drugi mrkva
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

  12. #12
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    Nakon duge noći provedene u gostionici, ide pijanac kući kad mu u susret dolazi časna sestra! Pijanac ju pogleda pa je udari tako jako, da se ona srui, te je onda podrugljivo upita:
    - ta je Betmen? Danas nisi ba u fomi?
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

  13. #13
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    Kako se zove Rom koji dolazi odnekud?
    From
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

  14. #14
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    Moracu da ti skrenem paznju da se topic zove crni humor i da su ti vicevi prelosi.Eto tolko...

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    Kad ećera umire?
    Kad mu je najslađe
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

  16. #16
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    ta radi kada vidi epileptičara koji se kupao u kadi i dobio epi-napad?
    Ubaci prljav ve!


    Kako se Saa Matić proveo na letovanju?
    Neviđeno

    Kae Dejan Matić Sai Matiću:
    Sale, danas je pomračenje Sunca, nemoj gleda, da ne oslepiis


    Koja je najbolja bolest?
    Skleroza - ne boli, a svaki dan čuje neto novo.
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

  17. #17
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    [QUOTE=MysteryGirl;548544][COLOR=yellow][COLOR=magenta]ta radi kada vidi epileptičara koji se kupao u kadi i dobio epi-napad?
    Ubaci prljav ve!

    odlican odlican

    evo jedan:
    iznajmio sobu u hotelu jedan covjek i i po noci neko otvara vrata. vidi on po silueti da je zena. prilazi ona njemu raskopcava pantalone i pocinje da fumare. on se naravno ne buni. radi ona tako, radi kad odjednom istovremeno pocinje da pjeva. zacudi se cudu covjek, i pita je kako to izvodi kako uspijeva oboje istovremeno. kaze ona njemu da se opusti. oce on da upali svijetlo, a ona mu kaze ako oce jos i ako uziva da to ne radi. ok pristade on jer, jel'te ipak...
    sljedecu noc ista prica, fumare, pjavnje, nece svjetlo, on uziva...
    trecu noc, ulazi ona, mrak, pocinje da radi, ceka on ceka da zapjeva. zapjeva ona, a on skoci brze bolje, za prekidac upali svjetlo, kad ... ona nema oko

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by milis View Post
    Koliko je potrebno mrtvih beba da bi se njima okrecio krvlju zid dugacak 5 m ?
    - Jedna, ako se dobro zamahne !
    Ao brate pi. Kako mozhete...

    Quote Originally Posted by MysteryGirl View Post
    Idu dva repera ulicom. Jedan repa, a drugi mrkva
    Quote Originally Posted by MysteryGirl View Post
    Kako se zove Rom koji dolazi odnekud?
    From
    Quote Originally Posted by MysteryGirl View Post
    Nakon duge noći provedene u gostionici, ide pijanac kući kad mu u susret dolazi časna sestra! Pijanac ju pogleda pa je udari tako jako, da se ona srui, te je onda podrugljivo upita:
    - ta je Betmen? Danas nisi ba u fomi?
    Ako je ovo crni humor, ja sam balerina!
    Never Complain, Never Explain

  19. #19
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    moram ovo isprichat mada je pi!!!

    Vracaju se tri babe sa sahrane
    prva-eeee,vidje li mu maaajkuuu,majku jadku...
    druga-eeee,kako sestre nesrecne iznose,ne mogashe izdrzat!
    treca-eee,vala, nema sahrane bez sina jedinca pa neka pricha ko shto oce!!!

  20. #20
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    A sta kaze cigo kad mu umre nastarije dijete?
    "Nek samo ide po redu..."
    www.jaredic.com
    ˙˙pǝlloɹ sɹǝsnoɹʇ ʎɯ ɟo sɯoʇʇoq ǝɥʇ ǝɹɐʍ plnoɥs ı 'plo ʍoɹƃ ı 'plo ʍoɹƃ ı

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    Default 0fycAnI

    Weli Mujo Hasy : Haso crkla nam je sijelica,ocu li je bachit? A Haso ce na to : Neka , walja ce nam po danu . . .
    :::::::::::::

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    Sta dobite kad crncu ogulite kou?

    -Ronilačko odijelo
    ...Maybe it was wrong to love you?
    But what should i do?
    Cause my heart leads me to you...

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by MysteryGirl View Post
    Sta dobite kad crncu ogulite kou?

    -Ronilačko odijelo
    je li moguce da neko nesto ovako glupo smisli majko mila

  24. #24
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    Kao sto vidis.... Ili ono *Dao brat sestri da pojede zilet, a ona se krvavo nasmija*... pffffffff....
    A u ulici Slobode i Hercegovackoj sad rastu iz Berana dEca. Neki novi klinci, neki novi klinci..


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    veli musliman srbinu, daj srbo reci mi grad i broj, a srbin ce na to, Srebrenica, 7000
    /me stetan
    Amor dolor est!
    Amor vincit omnia!
    obavezno, ali obavezno pogledati ---> http://www.svjetlopisi.com/cg/cg.html

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